No Fishing Zone

Fishing for compliments is a sport that never seems to satisfy because you’re angling for compliments that might not otherwise be given. That coerced compliment doesn’t mean much; it basically means that the other person was nice enough to verbally give you what you want to hear…it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s true.

When someone is obviously fishing for a compliment, my natural inclination is not to give it. Maybe that sounds cold, but if I give a compliment under emotional duress then it just reinforces to that person that fishing for compliments gets them results (and then they’re more likely to repeat this fishing expedition with me in the future). And I’m not interested in giving compliments when they’re not freely given.

Compliments shouldn’t be sought out, they should be unexpected surprises; something out of the blue that is true and sincere. Because when you fish for compliments, you’re fishing in shallow waters, and anything you catch probably lacks substance. And really, doesn’t that fishing seem like a lot of work just to pull out a compliment from another? It’s just better all-around for that fish to jump right out of the water and directly into your hands with no effort from you at all…now that’s my kind of fishing.

Just Accept it with Grace

Compliments generally come out of the blue. You’re in a conversation with someone when suddenly a few kind words are directed at you. There’s quite a range of compliments that can be given and some definitely mean more than others. A compliment on a new jacket doesn’t quite have the same impact as a compliment about the awesomeness of your personality or praise for your work. And it’s not only the depth of the compliment but also who says it that makes a difference (as some people dole out compliments on a regular basis, while with others it’s a rare treat). Yet no matter the situation, it’s generally best to accept whatever compliment given, because it’s always awkward when someone tries to fight a compliment.

People don’t want to give their kind words only to be shut down by the recipient. No one wants to be in the conversation of:

“You did a really great job.”

“No, anyone could have done it.”

“No, really. You went above and beyond.”

“I just did what I was suppose to do.”

“Well, I think you did a good job.”

“I think I could have done better.”

[Sigh.] “Okay then." [Pause.] "Moving on…”

Giving a compliment shouldn’t be that much work; it shouldn’t have to be shoved down someone’s throat. And having to convince someone that the compliment is true just lessens the initial sincerity of the compliment. So even if compliments in general make you feel uncomfortable or you don’t 100% agree with the given compliment itself, the best way to move the conversation along is just to accept it. Just say a simple thank you. That’s all you need. Just accept it with grace and move on.